We know what you are thinking. Another wedding blog? Have no fear. This isn’t just another wedding blog. It is THE wedding blog. It is not full of fluffy words, unfulfilled promises or sales pitches. It is a tell-all wedding blog with no filter added. It is time to lay it all out there. You’re engaged! Congratulations. Now to plan. Yes, it comes that quickly. Be prepared for the wedding questions because they are hot off the press. Wedding planning isn’t a breeze, and here’s why...
There is a certain facade that comes with getting engaged. Everything is sunshine and rainbows. You go through the engagement and wedding photos that have flooded your fees, anticipating when it is going to be you. The love is evident in their eyes. You want that, and how couldn't you. Now is your time. Here’s what to expect. Those beautiful moments captured on camera are often overshadowed by the undo stress of wedding planning. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Choose to live in the moment by preparing yourself- for the good and bad that is to come.
Stay ENGAGED with Each Other.
The moment of proposal is one of the most beautiful moments in a couple’s life. It is a moment of commitment, vulnerability and an expression of love. It is truly one of the biggest moments in a person’s life. You are handing over your trust, hoping it is cared for and cherished. What you aren’t told is the wedding questions come almost directly after. Do you have a date set? What are your wedding colors? Who will be in the bridal party, and the most dreadful question, am I invited to the wedding? #Awkward
It is hard to prepare yourself with answers when you just got engaged. What no one tells you is that it is important to stay engaged with each other. Stay engaged with your partner’s feelings, opinions and overall well-being. Do not start planning right away. Enjoy this milestone together. Plus, wedding planning takes time. It typically is done around a year (or more) in advance. You will change your mind about a lot of things. Don’t stress yourselves right off the bat with something you may not even be happy with two months from now.
Other people will butt in with their opinions whether you want them or not. Stay engaged with each other, so you can preserve the moment because it is beautiful. Don’t let all that stress of wedding planning creep in before the moment even gets to sink in.
It is important to set boundaries. If someone asks, it is ok to say that you haven’t decided or that you are enjoying the moment. You should. Remember, most comments are made from anticipation. They typically come from good thought. That doesn’t mean people are always conscious of what they say. If you can’t say anything nice...
Make a List and Check it Twice.
We hate to burst your bubble, but we are going to anyway. #KeepingItReal Throwing a casual wedding can be just as stressful as throwing a fancy one. Let’s expand. While a simple wedding will cost less, (alleviating some stress) the same decisions must be made. It doesn’t matter if you are deciding between pizza or steak or paper or linen. The decision must be made, and it can be stressful.
Prepare yourself. You are going to randomly stress-cry or happy-cry or just cry over some of the stupidest things when you are wedding planning. You’re mailing out invites. Cue the tears. Wedding planning isn't always as beautiful as you anticipated. Dreaming of your wedding and planning it are two completely different things. You and your future spouse to be can and WILL get on each other’s nerves. Don’t be alarmed. You aren’t marrying each other because you fell in love with their wedding planning skills. Remember why you are together and plan same romance in during all the chaos You’ll thank us later.
When planning a wedding, it is essential that you list out everything you’ll need. Plan out your budget with some padding. It is important that even the tightest budgets have some sort of wiggle room. Approximately 5% of your overall budget is recommended for padding. Believe us when we say some sort of extra expense will rear its ugly head. It could be anything. Whether it Is unexpected rain or a backup dress, odds are some sort of major expense will need to be taken care of during the process. Don’t get caught with your hands tied behind your back. Prepare, so you won’t have to scramble the week of your big day.
The Gift that Keeps on Giving.
There is no need to add it to your registry because it comes included in the package deal. Everyone, and we mean everyone, has an opinion that they will give. It may come at the cost of your sanity. It is important to stick to your guns. It is OK to remind yourself (and them) that you and your partner’s opinion are what matters. Don’t be afraid to tell the people offering their opinion that their opinion is better used at their own wedding and nowhere else. *Mic Drop*
You will be amazed as to what people will have an opinion on. SPOILER: They have an opinion on everything. You are getting married in the summer. “It is better to get married in the fall.” You are having a destination wedding. “That’s not fair to your family and friends.” You want peonies. “That is too old and traditional.” Here’s the big one. You are getting married.... “That’s too bad. I’m sure it will be fine.” You may want to punch these people in the face. Refrain. They typically have their own issues.
All these opinions served on a platter of self-righteousness and self-pity is not worth the time and effort that is put into it. Many opinions are given in good thought. Other’s opinions are given out of other’s personal downfalls. You have enough to worry about. Their judgement shouldn’t cause you to lose sleep. Doubts are normal. Uncertainty is a part of any sort of change in a person’s life. Don’t ruin a good thing because someone else’s marriage didn’t succeed. There are usually multiple underlying factors.
Be Prepared to Get Your Hands Dirty.
Unless you have budgeted for a wedding planner, the hard work is going to fall on you. Let’s face it. It will happen even with a wedding planner. You and your future spouse still must choose everything and fork out the cash. That is unless a loved one is paying for it.
Be prepared. If you aren’t the one paying for, the one who is will be giving even more opinion that you didn’t ask for. Weddings can get you caught in between a rock and a hard place. If you aren’t working two jobs paying for your wedding, you’ll be under the opinion of the person or people who are paying for it. This isn’t always the case, but it is a reality that needs to be considered.
“I’m Here if You Need Anything.” That may not be as true as you think. It is not that they don’t care. People have their own lives. They have finances, jobs and families to worry about. When planning a wedding, expect it to cost, but don’t let it cost the relationships you have with the people you love. Expect it to take up your time because on average wedding planning take anywhere from ten months to two years, but don’t make it an excuse to neglect time with loved ones. Don’t waist all that time occupying the opinions of others. This should be the best day of you and your partner’s life, not the most stressful time. Remember, a wedding comes and goes. Marriage is the goal.
It’s Not All Butterflies and Rainbows.
At some point or another, you two will adopt qualities of bride and groom-zilla. Odds are you are talking wedding waaaaaaaayyyyyy more than you realize. You may get eye roles and shaken heads frequently from your bestie, and your wedding eyes have made you oblivious to it. Just another reason why setting aside some you time is important. Your loved ones are there to support you through it all, make time with them a priority as well.
It is important to remember that no matter how crazy things get, cherish this new milestone. You both are going to have triggers, and certain things will matter more to each of you. You may care more about the whole aesthetic while your future spouse may care more about what food is served. Choose your battles wisely and decipher whether the decision is worth arguing over in the first place.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. You aren’t marrying your significant other for their immense knowledge of the wedding planning business. Don’t let the pressures of planning a wedding get in the way of your love story. Wedding planning is not as glamorous as it appears. Once you're at a wedding, you get all the butterflies; everything is perfect, and love fills the air. What you don’t see is all the hard work, sleepless nights and overall time that went into planning it. All you see is the love.
Remember that. If something doesn’t go exactly as planned, don’t fret. You are the only one that will notice. It is not worth losing relationships or your sanity over.
Let your day be the best as it could be. Maintain perspective. The little things are just that... the little things. A bigger wedding doesn’t always mean a better one. It is OK to keep what you are planning a secret. That way there are no expectations, and the guests will never know anything was missing in the first place. Wedding planning will test your relationship. Focus on the much bigger picture at hand- your future together.
Not Everyone will be Happy for the Two of You.
Yes, it is one of the happiest moments in your life, and not everyone is going to be happy about it. If it seems ridiculous, it’s because it is. It could be they don’t support your decision. (I.e. You’re too old, too young or unprepared.) People may not like the partner that you chose. They may not like your spouse’s family. They may not like your ring. They could hate marriage, or they might just be jealous. If it is from someone you don’t really trust, take their opinion lightly. If it is from a trusted loved one, put more thought into it. If there are major red flags, there is no shame in reconsidering.
One of the hardest parts of getting engaged and getting married are the haters. Why they would be haters is unknown, but the fact they are can hurt. It is important to keep good, positive support around you during wedding planning. Don’t be afraid to lean on your partner. This is one of the first milestones you’ll get to experience together. Make it count!
This goes back to the unnecessary opinions that go along with wedding planning. It is vital that you keep the right perspective. All that matters are that your wedding and your partner are what you want. Don’t make it to your big day and wish it was over. It should be everything you dreamed of and more. It shouldn’t be something you wished you could have redone in a completely different location with completely different people. Don’t start off your marriage with regrets.
Style is Subjective.
What you think is modern chic, may not be modern chic to a florist, and what a florist considers modern chic may not be what a wedding planner considers modern chic. Be specific in your style. A picture is worth a thousand words. We know you have several Pinterest boards for what your dream wedding would like... when you were 12. Start fresh. Get some ideas, then let us do the rest.
It is better that you go out and buy supplies that you like when you come across them, so you get what you want. After that, the wedding planner can make it pretty. If you are doing it yourself, make a list of what you want and work on checking it off one by one. Gather some of your trusted friends with great style to assist. Don’t try to do it ALL by yourself, and don’t let the chaos affect your relationship. It is a challenge. A challenge you’ll both grow from. We have said it more than once because it is crucial.
It is OK to Not Invite EVERYONE.
Let’s face it. You are not going to please everyone, and why should it matter? Your engagement and your wedding day are about the two of you, not everyone else. Keep in mind. If you wouldn't go out and buy dinner for them, you probably shouldn’t invite them. You are paying a substantial amount for every seat at your wedding. Don’t fill them with people you don’t really want there or people you wouldn’t even know whether to shake their hand or give them a hug. It is not worth your time, money or the awkward experience.
People will get mad if they are not invited. That’s OK. You don’t need to invite everyone. If they are adamant on getting you something, set up a honeymoon fund online where anyone can contribute. This will make them feel included and will weed out the people who just want to be involved to dress up and eat for free. Yes, there are those people. Sometimes they are family members, and sometimes they are childhood friends that you haven’t spoken to in years.
Keep it real for your wedding day. Plan something that is a beautiful representation of your love. This is not just another wedding blog feeding you the idea of a painless wedding planning experience. This is just another wedding blog encouraging you to celebrate your love story. Our florists at A and Z Flowers Boutique in Astoria, NY, understand the struggle and want to help. Wedding planning isn’t easy, but neither is marriage. If you understand that from the get-go, your wedding and your marriage is bound to be memorable and one that lasts in the hearts and minds of many, at least to the people you want involved in it.